GundogSD4 wrote:

I got some funny looks from the tree huggers today, I can't think why

Which is about the same as not being able to fill up with diesel because a Tesla has parked by the only available fuel pump to go shopping

thanks to comedian @danajaybein who has given the lyrics of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody a coronavirus makeover.
It’s clever, funny, and manages to squeeze in an important – the most important – message as well. Best read while singing out loud, obviously.

I've lost my mind. I wrote Coronavirus Rhapsody:


Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.

Don’t touch your eyes
Just hand sanitize quicklyyyyy
I’m just a poor boy, no job security
Because of easy spread, even though
washed your hands, laying low
I look out the window, the curve doesn’t look flatter to me, to me

mama, just killed a man
i didn’t stay inside in bed
I walked by him, now he’s dead
mama, life was so much fun
but now I’ve caught this unforgiving plague

mama, oooooh
didn’t mean to make them die
if I’m not back to work this time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if people didn’t matter

too late, my time has come
sends shivers down my spine
body’s aching all the time
goodbye everybody, I’ve got the flu
gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

mama, oooooh
I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I never went out at all

I see a little silhouette of a man
what a douche, what a douche
did he even wash his hands though
security is tightening
very very frightening me
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low (gotta lay low)
Gotta lay low masturbate
Masturbate O O O O

I’m just a poor boy, facing mortality
HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORTALITY
spare him his life from this monstrosity


Touch your face, wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS)


BISMILLAH WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS! (WASH YOUR HANDS!)
WASH YOUR HANDS! (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
No no no no no
Oh mama mia, mia (mama mia wash your hands!)
COVID-19 has a sickness put aside for me, for me

So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand?
So you think we can hang out and not break our plans?
Oh baby, can’t do this with me, baby,
Just gotta stay home, just gotta stay home with my fever

oooooh
Curving can get flatter
Anyone can see
Curving can get flatter
Curving can get flatter, you’ll see
Just look out your windows….
FLATTEN THE CURVE
— Dana Jay Bein (#DJB) (@danajaybein) March 18, 2020 Andy
Freelander2 HSE (59 Plate, MY10 spec)

That is brilliant.

how about this one
 Common sense isn't very common.
_______________________________
2007 Land Rover Freelander2 I6 hse Auto

Tigger wrote:

GundogSD4 wrote:

I got some funny looks from the tree huggers today, I can't think why

Which is about the same as not being able to fill up with diesel because a Tesla has parked by the only available fuel pump to go shopping

Probably got the last of the toilet rolls as well  Regards

David

Lovely i6 has now gone, but not me......

Please let me know if anything in my post offends you, as I may wish to offend you again......

A woman was sent home from work early due to corona virus. She opened her front door only to see her husband on the stairs shagging seven bells out of an attractive young woman.

When the dust had settled and the swollen black eye had eased a bit the wife wanted to know all about it. He said that he found the young woman crying in the street and he asked what was the matter and she told him she had been sacked from the restaurant she worked in because it had closed due to the corona virus shutdown. She came from Poland and there were no more flights back and to make matters worse someone had stolen her handbag with all her money and passport.

He felt sorry for her and she said she hadn’t eaten for two days so he took her home and gave her some of the steak and kidney pie he had made for his wife last night that she didn’t eat because it was fattening. It was cold outside so he gave her a coat that his wife had grown out of and as she had no handbag he gave her the handbag he gave his wife last Christmas that she didn’t really like and didn’t use any more. The same with the knee length boots that she didn’t wear because they were out of fashion.

The young woman was about to go out of the door when she asked the man if he had anything else that his wife didn’t use anymore. And the rest as they say is history!

J

Sing this one to the tune of I will survive - lifted from another site;

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
There was no loo roll down at Aldi and I nearly cried.
Oh I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong,
I used to wipe,
And now I’m forced to just drip dry !
No anti-bac !
No bloody soap,
and if you think you’re buying pasta well you’ve got no bloody hope !
I would have bought that box of eggs, I would have rationed out my bread,
If I’d have known for just one second everyone would lose their head !
Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more !
Weren’t you the ones who just bought all the sodding beans ?
You selfish gits !
I hope you spill them down your jeans !
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy!
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese,
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey !
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,
There was just apples and 1 carrot in my shopping cart,
And I spent hours walking round just feeling sorry for myself,
The empty store, with boxes strewn across the floor
And you’ll see me, somebody who,
Cannot buy anything she came for, and it’s all down to fecking you
And frickin Reg from down the road is such a selfish blimmin git
Because he stockpiled all the loo roll so nobody else can have a s@*t !
Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more!
Weren’t you ones who just bought all the sodding cakes
Can’t you make a crumble,
Do you people not know how to bake ?
Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy !
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive ! MY13 HSE Lux Santorini Black
MY11 HSE Santorini Black Gone
MY08 SE Blue, Gone
Alfa Romeo GT Gone
Alfa Romeo 156 Space wagon Gone
Volvo V40 Gone
Volvo 480ES Gone
VW Sirocco GTX Gone

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2394226572...853637284/

You know when your sitting on the loo and you suddenly realise that there’s no toilet paper so you get up and waddleto get a new roll?...

Well ... l’m nearly at Tesco’s

Get a copy of the Sun while you are there, there's no bog roll.

Joedenise wrote:

You know when your sitting on the loo and you suddenly realise that there’s no toilet paper so you get up and waddleto get a new roll?...

Well ... l’m nearly at Tesco’s

Good luck with that.....  Regards

David

Lovely i6 has now gone, but not me......

Please let me know if anything in my post offends you, as I may wish to offend you again......

I just heard that Timson's are closed but that their locksmiths remain open. Well I suppose they are "Key Workers" after all

https://www.timpson.co.uk/stores/ 3 x FL1 2 manual + 1 auto
5 x FL2 4 manual + 1 auto
Now Discovery Sport P250 MHEV SE

Watch out for this online scam!

Click image to enlarge