Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mary, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Paddy turns to Mary and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?''

"Sex." he replies.

Mary exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," says Paddy, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mary, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mary would hold Paddy's thingie.

Then one night Paddy didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mary decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Paddy's's little pal!

Furious, Mary yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Paddy smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.



The man replies, "Roughly a litre." Every time I learn something new,something old gets pushed out of my brain?

^^^^^

expect a 'community resolution order ' in the post

Considering the number of fish & chip oil burners you have. Impressive numbers! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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My only personal criticism is that the bitch is too well groomed! All of them for that matter!! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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In Australia some States had to put the clocks back an hour because daylight saving ended.

Here is a quick fix for the young ones who don't know how to adjust an analogue clock:

 Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Some will remember this interactive website Dancing Bush. You press the buttons, in other words pull the strings!

One could swap the block of wood for an even denser block of wood to up date it!

A video of dancing bush:


Link to game:
https://www.numuki.com/game/dancing-bush/ Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A few new dance moves to add to the list:

Brown nose. (An old political comment in Australia: Why do you only ever see "X" politician's sandshoes... I better not elaborate other than that they are on their knees).

Suck & not spit.

Brown paper bag (do they actually make them that large) routine.

Turning by threes now has a new meaning... ruZZia, chiNA & usARSE.


There are plenty more, but the list is too long & anyone with 1.000...1 brain cells can work it out anyway! Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away.

"Jonny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to." - the little boy replied.

"Of course you do." – his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

“That's at our house,” Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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I bought a new Mac which is not upgradable, so basically in the scheme of things, basically "landfill design". I am more than happy to be corrected.

Not sure what to do with the older Mac. My Dual CPU PC is still going.

Great marketing, but when it comes down to upgrades, what does one do?

Rubbish bin or line it with insulation & add some Peltiers for a small beer fridge, at least it is aluminium & surface cooling will work. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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About right ! Every time I learn something new,something old gets pushed out of my brain?

It's actually because Land Rovers last so long. From what I have read of the years, Land Rovers last longer than any other manufacturer. So their embedded energy is very good. We are all reaching out of the grave for one last drive!

No complaints on my Land Rover & it has had a hammering on some of our outback Australia environments. But I always get the car thoroughly looked at at services. But there has effectively been nothing wrong. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Was over on K'Gari last week (aka Frazer Island) . Didnt see any of the newer JLR vehicles there (say post 2000), but there were a couple of older Range Rovers and S3s - which was nice. Jules