The Husband Store


A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop- dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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A Newcastle woman, pictured above, has lost her case at Newcastle Magistrates Court today after she tried to sue the Royal Victoria Hospital after her husband went in for an operation which left him unable to have sex with her afterwards. Mrs Minger from Gateshead, aged 67, said to reporters outside the court this afternoon "Me and me 'usband Fred 'ave 'ad bangin' sex till 'e went ta 'ospital and 'ad is operation. Now 'e's not interested 'n me and it's all down to them tw_ts!"

The surgeon who performed the operation attended court to give evidence said "All we did was remove Fred's cataracts!" Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

 2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Why it's better males fix vehicles!

Lost the bloody toolbox & I bet the tools are even more expensive than Stahlwille tools!

https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/18342...ce-station

' NASA astronauts on a rare all-female spacewalk have accidentally dropped a satchel-sized toolbox bag while carrying out maintenance work at the International Space Station (ISS) and it is possible the kit could be viewed from Earth with a good pair of binoculars. ' Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Shoe Shine Boy.

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal in minute detail while the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.
One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why would you be so interested in that topic?"
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
"What's your name? " asked the executive.
John H. Smith was the reply.
The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Service Department; "Do we have a client named John H. Smith?
"Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, " he is a high-net-worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."
The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting to tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could all learn something from your life's experience."
At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.
Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.
Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent.
A few years ago, when the very up-market shoe shiner on the main corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great superior location, which I promptly did.
And then, finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars." Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

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Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his ...veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb," (fireworks are legal in Alabama) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...
1...2..3.....4...5..
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Indiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, West Virginia, and Wayne County, Iowa Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

brilliant  2009 FL2 S now gone
2011 FL2 HSE AUTO
2012 FL2 XS AUTO
2000 Kawasaki er 5

Not a lot recently worthwhile reposting, anyway...


Odd ode:


There was a young sailor called Bates,

Who danced the fandango on skates,

But a fall on his cutlass,

Rendered him nutless,

And practically useless on dates Procrastination, mankind's greatest labour saving device!

Acoustic insulation ARB TPMS 3xARB air compressors After cooler Air tank On-board OCD pressure air/water cleaning Additional 50L fuel Carpet in doors ABE 2x1kg Waeco 28L modified fridge Battery 4x26ah Solar 120w Victron MPPT 100/20 DC-DC 18amps 175amp jumper plug Awning 6x255/60R18

Here lies the body of Deadwood Dick
Brought into the World
With a corkscrew prick
All his life was a lifelong hunt
Looking for a woman
With a corkscrew
But when he found her
He dropped down dead
'Cos the she had
Had a left hand thread

Last edited by I Like Chips on 14th Dec 2023 10:39 am. Edited 1 time in total

Here lies the body of Deadwood Dick
Brought into the World
With a corkscrew prick
All his life was a lifelong hunt
Looking for a woman
With a corkscrew c*nt
But when he found her
He dropped down dead
'Cos the c*nt she had
Had a left hand thread

Here lies the body of Deadwood Dick
Brought into the World
With a corkscrew prick
All his life was a lifelong hunt
Looking for a woman
With a corkscrew
But when he found her
He dropped down dead
'Cos the she had
Had a left hand thread

Here lies the body of Deadwood Dick
Brought into the World
With a corkscrew prick
All his life was a lifelong hunt
Looking for a woman
With a corkscrew c*nt
But when he found her
He dropped down dead
'Cos the c*nt she had
Had a left hand thread

Could you repeat that please - I didnt quite get it the 1st , 2nd, 3rd or 4th time  Jules

Of course I can, But it's not that good. I wonder if admin could delete them please I cant

Is Deadwood Dick with a corkscrew prick related to Deadeyed Dick with a muscular prick?